


For Now

by AmyNChan



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Good Older Brother Killua, I had feelings about the end of it and reading fanfic kinda healed me on 'em so now I'm contributing, Not Beta'd, mentioned Gon Freecs - Freeform, mentioned Nanika
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29128059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyNChan/pseuds/AmyNChan
Summary: What he didn’t expect…  well…  what he didn’t expect was to feel just a littlerelieved.
Relationships: Alluka Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Gon Freecs & Killua Zoldyck, Nanika & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 5
Kudos: 4





	For Now

Before it happened, Killua didn’t know how he would feel in that moment. Excited? Sure. He was going to give Alluka and Nanika the trip of a lifetime and catch them both up on the amazing things they hadn’t been given as children. Nervous? Also, sure. The siblings were setting out on their own with no real plan, but lots of adventures in sight. Sad? Well, _yeah_. He was turning away from his best friend in the entire world, the one who helped open him up and gave him the courage and drive to well and truly walk a path his family would have never willingly allowed him to walk. He’d rebelled before Gon, but Gon had really given him a reason to push beyond the limits his family had set on him and break the chains they’d wrapped him in. Of course he was going to be sad. And he _was_ sad.

What he didn’t expect… well… what he didn’t expect was to feel just a little _relieved_.

Did that make him a bad friend? Wasn’t the idea of separation supposed to be a bad thing? He distinctly remembered crying with his whole heart in the face of the enemy, emotionally torn and strained over the thought of leaving Gon behind. And now that he was doing it… Now that he was walking away… Why did this feel so right after being so terrified of this very outcome?

“Onii-chan sure is thinking hard.” Killua was jolted from his thoughts, and he turned his eyes to meet his sibling’s. Alluka smiled, an impish thing that he’s sure she just mimicked from him when he teased Gon ten minutes ago. He wasn’t sure whether to be proud of how fast she was learning or worried to be on the receiving end of such a look. “Is onii-chan thinking about Gon-san?”

 _Proud, then_ , Killua decided, allowing the feeling to wash over him for a moment. She was already learning to read people. He wasn’t the _best_ person to practice on for that, but it was a start.

“Well?” asked Alluka, pushing him out of another train of thought. “Aren’t you?”

“We just saw Gon,” reminded Killua, reaching out his hand and placing it on top of her head. He cheerfully mussed with her hair, knowing both she and Nanika enjoyed that. “It would be weird to forget him just like that.”

Alluka squealed as he finished tussling her hair, and she quickly trapped down the flyaways once he’d removed his hand. She looked so cheerful and happy while she did it, and Killua smiled.

Was this okay? To feel content and lighthearted after a goodbye he’d dreaded having to ever make? Was it really okay?

“If onii-chan is a good friend like onii-chan is a good brother,” said Alluka, smiling as she turned back to him, “then I don’t think onii-chan will forget Gon-san ever! Even apart, you’re friends!”

Killua’s eyes widened, Alluka’s word choice parroting what they’d just heard moments before.

_“Kite said that no matter where we go, we’ll always be friends!”_

Maybe… maybe that was the difference. All those other times, he’d thought of separation as an end to the friendship. A sacrifice that _needed_ to be made before Killua killed Gon, directly or indirectly, a distance that was necessary to save his life. A sacrifice that had always seemed so looming and big and _permanent_.

Maybe that’s why he felt relieved. Gon was climbing the World Tree to meet with Ging. Killua was going to wander the world with Alluka and Nanika to give them the best experiences he possibly could. They each had a path they wanted to walk, but… but it was clear, this time, that walking away didn’t have to mean walking away forever.

If they both walked around the entire world, they’d meet up again on the other side of it. And when they did, they’d still be friends. They would still be able to laugh and talk and bicker and train and _everything_. It wasn’t “forever.” It was “for now.” It was an assurance that he hadn’t had the past few times he’d even _thought_ of leaving. And it made all the difference.

Killua could feel his confliction ease away, and he smiled at Alluka with true peace in his heart.

“Come on,” he told Alluka, taking yet another step, “there’s a lot of world to see out there.”

“Okay!”

**Author's Note:**

> One of the things that kept bugging me about the separation was that it was _constantly_ referred to as this Terrible Thing that Should Not Happen over the course of the anime. So when it happened, my first reaction was to really not like it because they'd fought so hard to stick around one another. They both, at different points in the anime, fought really hard to stay with each other, and the ending felt like it didn't really address that when having them go their separate ways. Or, if it did, I just didn't catch on. XD I really think that it could have been fleshed out a bit more in terms of "this is okay because it's a healthy separation and not some sort of self-sacrificial thing that either of them are doing," though. So this is my little blurb on it. ^^;
> 
> Anyhoot, hope y'all enjoyed!


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